Reasons (Its Nice)

One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.

MOM : Wake up, son. It's time to go to school.
SON : But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school.
MOM : Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school.
SON : One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me.
MOM : Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school.
SON : Give me two good reasons WHY I should go to school?








MOM : One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand your Responsibilities. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school.

Real life IAS (UPSC Exam 1998) Interview Questions

Q.How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A.Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)

Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall,how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all as it has already been built. (UPSC 23 Rank Opted for IFS)

Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four applesand three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)

Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs , He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)

Q.If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet and Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)

Q. What looks like half apple ?
A : The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper)

Q. What can you never eat for breakfast ?
A : Dinner.

Q. What happened when wheel was invented ?
A ! : It caused a revolution.

Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A : Liquid (UPSC 33Rank )

Life is Beautiful

A Professor began his class by holding up a glass with
some water in it.
he held it up for all to see & asked the students,'
How much do you think
this glass weighs?'

'50gms!' .... '100gms!' ......'125gms' ......the
students answered.

'I really don't know unless I weigh it,' said the
professor, 'but, my
question is: What would happen if I held it up like
this for a few
minutes?'

'Nothing' the students said.

'Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an
hour?' the
professor asked.

'Your arm would begin to ache' said one of the
students.

'You're right, now what would happen if I held it for
a day?'

'Your arm could go numb, you might have severe muscle
stress & paralysis
& have to go to hospital for sure!' ventured another
student & all the
students laughed.

'Very good. But during all this, did the weight of the
glass change?'
asked the professor.

'No'

'Then what caused the arm ache & the muscle stress?'
The students were
puzzled.

'Put the glass down!' said one of the students.

'Exactly!' said the professor.' Life's problems are
something like this.

Hold it for a few minutes in your head & they seem OK.
Think of them for
a long time & they begin to ache. Hold it even longer
& they begin to
paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything.

It's important to think of the challenges (problems)
in your life, but
EVEN MORE IMPORTANT to 'put them down' at the end of
every day before you go
to sleep. That way, you are not stressed, you wake up
every day fresh &
strong
& can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your
way!'

So, as it becomes time for you to leave office today,

Remember friend to 'PUT THE GLASS DOWN TODAY! '

Vocabulary GENIUS

The person who invented this sentence must be a vocabulary GENIUS.

Read the sentence below carefully:

"I do not know where family doctors acquired illegibly perplexing
handwriting nevertheless, extraordinary pharmaceutical intellectuality
counterbalancing indecipherability, transcendentalizes
intercommunications' incomprehensibleness".

This is a sentence where the Nth word is N letters long.

e.g. 3rd word is 3 letters long, 8th word is 8 letters long an

Mechanic and Surgeon

A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the
motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart
surgeon in his shop, who was waiting for the service
manager to come take a look at his car.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hello Doctor!
Please come on over here for a minute."

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to
the mechanic. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his
hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor,
look at this here. I also open hearts, take valves
out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish
this will work as a new one. So how come you get the
big money, when both of us are doing basically the
same work?"

The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic
"Try doing it with the engine running."

Lessons in Corporate Excellence

Corporate Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a
towel and runs downstairs.When she opens the door, there stands Bob,
the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give
you $800 to drop that towel," After thinking for a moment, the woman
drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds,
Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the
towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her
husband asks, Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she
replies. "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the
$800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a
position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Corporate Lesson 2:

A priest offered a lift to a Nun.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The
priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he
stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember
Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But changing gears, he let
his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said "Father,
remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh
is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his
arrival at the church the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said,
"Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you
might miss a great opportunity.

Corporate Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie
comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me
first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas,
driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're
up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those
two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Corporate Lesson 4:

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.

A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day
long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the
ground below the crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate
it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be
sitting very high up.

Corporate Lesson 5:

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

"I would love to be able to Get to the top of that tree," sighed the
turkey, but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on
my droppings?" replied the bull They're packed with nutrients." The
turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough
strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after
eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a
fourth night there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon
he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshìt might get you to the top, but it won't
keep you there.